content, shmantent

So i was just reading over some of the stuff i just wrote on the previous thing, and saw the word content. Content. What in the heck is content? I know it has to be different for every person cause some peoples wants and needs are completely opposite then the next person. So what is the basis or bottom line of contentment, or being content?
"Being satisfied with a certain level of achievement, and not wishing for any more....Satisfied" This is what my computers dictionary says. Being satisfied is a huge deal to us as humans. We strive to be satisfied in everything. Food, entertainment, work, you name it and we are trying to please ourselves, so we can be satisfied.

There was a time last year where i saw or felt that i had no contentment. Everyday i felt more and more complacent in what i was doing. It makes me think of that Augustanna song, where it says she needs to get out of California, shes tired of the weather, needs a sunrise and not a sunset, wants to get a lover and fly to spain, and so on. This song is the billboard for not being content. "i need this, i need that," they are doing all this stuff to try to satisfy some hunger that they cant describe. For me it took breaking up with a girl i loved, because i thought she was bad for me, and looking at jobs around the world where i could "start over." ehhh wrong.

I then realized that i had begun to wander farther and farther away from my relationship with God. I think this is the reason for me struggling with not being content. Im not sure who would be less content a person that has never experienced Gods grace, or someone who has and has let their relationship just kind of fade. There is a yearning, a desire in everyone of us to have a relationship with God. And if we let this go, then complacency just jumps in. You can try to fill it with anything else, a girl or a guy, drinking, sex with that girl or guy, a job, or even friends, and it works. for about 2 minutes. Then reality sets in and your back to where you started, more then likely a few steps back from where you were. But once you let go of everything, something happens, and you are fully relying on God to make the moves in your life, stress free. Well as close as we can get. Because there is always going to be that constant struggle for us to take back our life, and not just hand it over.

Once we do give our life over to God and i am not referring to that one time you knelt down in front of some church and asked God to come be a part of your life, but that time when you realized you were nothing without him, and that you couldn't really do anything that is worth while without Him taking the reigns. So you give it all to Him, everything, your hopes your dreams, this sounds like a bad thing but its what we were made for! Anyways, once we do give our life over to Him we are content, but sorry to burst your bubble, God doesnt want that. Making God your TRUE God will definitely lead you to overall contentment, but God doesnt want you to be satisfied. He wants you to keep chasing after Him.

So yes true contentment is God, but we should not become content in our prayer life, our thought life, our physical life (sexually and even physical well being) and even with your work life. Even though work is work, we should try to be that person that approaches it with joy. The definition of contentment doesnt even sound like a good thing when we apply it to our lives this way! We should never stop because we think we are satisfied, and dont wish for anymore. So really contentment is overrated. God brings contentment, and then should bring discontentment. Don't sit back and try to be content, instead strive for discontentment concerning your life with God.

Spiritual ADD...

Something happened and I thought it was a huge deal, turned out to be nothing, but at the time i was scared and freaking out. So, i hit my knees and started praying, "God, i need you, Lord, i need this..." it was literally at this point i trailed off and was hit with a thought... why wasn't i in the word today...why do i sometimes slip into a pattern of only talking to God when i "need" something. How come i treat God like the big blue genie off of Aladdin?

And that brought me to this. In the new testament, God refers to us as friends. In proverbs it says that he is a friend that sticks closer than a brother! I have some good friends...some great friends! I know that all of them would drop everything to help me if i needed. Thats probably why they are my friends! But at the same time i dont know what would happen if the only time we talked was when i needed something. Friends hang out, friends talk. I have friends in a lot of different places, most of them are still in lynchburg, some are farther. I email or talk to my good friends throughout each week, if i didnt do this then my friendships would fade, and then i would begin to call that person my old friend.

So, if i run to God when i am having problems and not staying connected with him in the "in-between" times, what kind of a relationship is that? It feels like a lopsided relationship, like i am taking advantage of Jesus. That sounds weird, because we as Christians are already taking advantage of Jesus and his amazing grace, thats what makes it amazing. Heres what im getting at, do you think God likes a relationship when the only time you spend with Him is when you are asking for something? Im sure God takes joy from us coming to him when we need something, but if thats all we come to him for, can we honestly call that a relationship, or is it like God is our supernatural AAA?

"Hey God, ive done something stupid, can you help me get out of it? Thanks a lot God, your the best, i was really stressed out. Okay, well i will talk to you when i do something else dumb." Be honest, how many times have you prayed this prayer? Of course you didnt mean to, but after that situation passes its like, problem solved and God is standing there like wait where ya going? When i look back at some of my spiritual walk this is what i see! Ridiculous. I know God can sometimes use things to get our attention, but i know he intends to keep it. But here i am with spiritual ADD so i move right along because the prayer made me feel better, and i drop God like an old toy, cause i think i see something better to do right now.

I think the way to have a content life, content relationships and just general contentment is to be consistent with my relationship with Him. And then it hits me this is part of the reason that makes God so great....When i do come back from one of these spiritual vacations, he is still standing in the same spot, not angrily pointing his finger with a huge whip in his hand, but standing there with outstretched arms with a smile, telling me he knows my pain, come on over here.

Love.

Love. Is love what most of us think it and know it to be in highschool? That first eye contact and the first time you hold hands with that girl. The nights you spend doing nothing, without all responsibility, going to friends houses, driving around till your gas tank is empty, and buying the cheapest flower but not because you are cheap but because your money is still your parents money. But as you grow up you realize that love is more. Love isnt void of responsibility. And most people say that it does have its up and downs and you will want to throw in the towel. But will you want to throw in the towel a lot? As sappy as it is, do you believe in "movie" love? Movies always have a happy ending, but they have rocky patches too. So is it possible to be completely enamored with someone all the time? Where you cant get enough of someone, their laugh, their smile, their hair, their smell, their touch, their eyes, the way they say your name, the way their hand fits in your hand. Is there just a cut off line where all these little things stop being significant. I know the newness of a relationship fades, but is there a way to fall completely and utterly in love over and over again with the same person that first made your heart skip a beat?

After a lot of thought and then some more thought after this. Me, a 23 year old smart-a, can say a resounding yes to this question. Here is what i found. Love, isnt and shouldnt just be a feeling. Feelings change, plans fail. Love is a decision. It has always been that way. I have always found it odd when we as Christians, were portrayed as the "bride" of Christ. I think i just never got it. Throughout the Bible our relationship with God is compared to a marriage of sorts. A little off setting to a youngster, but this is where we can see the beginning stages of love. God chose to love us. He didnt have to. And we choose to love God. I do think we all have a longing or desire for something, but in the end its our choice to love God. So love is a choice. This is why i think a lot of marriages fail. They chose to stop "loving" their significant other. The FEELING of love faded, so they "stopped" loving them. That is what the world tries to convey to us. Love is this swept feeling and youre googlie eyed all the time and blah blah. But no, that is only the beginning of love. True love is sticking with someone even when they arent googlie eyed and your not googlie eyed for them. Dont get me wrong, there are times in love where you just cant get enough of that person. You think about their lips, their smile, their hands and as weird as it sounds even their smell. Love is intoxicating. Its supposed to be. But, Love in a relationship is work sometimes. Its two different people, living essentially one life, together. Thats where the effort has to be put in.

So is love what most of us thought it to be in High School? Nope, its just the tip of the iceberg. Which is a good thing cause i dont think i could make out in the back of my car anymore, its to small...or I'm to big. You choose.

letting God have it...

The other night i was at our youth meeting and the guy that spoke said something that was profound, by accident actually, he was talking about how when God was telling all these nobodys in the Bible (moses, jeremiah....) to do his work they all had excuses. He was trying to convey whats different now and blahblah. But it made me think.."what would God ask me to do?" If God came to me right now in a burning bush, well actually if he came right now to me, it would have to be a burning surfboard or 12 inch tv cause thats all thats in here, but anyways, what would he ask me to do? And just using the Bible as a reference, i can see that it would probably be big, and more then likely huge. Then i thought of all the excuses, and i was reaching on a few of them, but he gently reminded me of every "nobody" in the Bible, moses said he couldnt speak he had a stutter or something, jeremiah said he was just a kid and couldnt speak. These two stick out to me, cause I am definately not the best speaker, when it comes to teaching. Basically, i was reminded tonight of something that i had always known growing up, that God has something big in store for my life. I may not know what it is, and no he hasnt given me a vision or spoke to me in the form of a bush, but he has chosen me for some reason. Now, i dont want to sound more "saved" then another believer or something stupid like that, as funny as that sounds, its not like that. I think we are all called to do something, i know my something will be big, dont ask me why, i just know. And really i dont know if this means big in his eyes or big in mine as well. Its weird cause i now feel that i know i need to start living my life with the utmost effort to be above reproach, something that i have not cared about for a long time. and that I need to become very aware of the times when i am taking time off from my relationship with Jesus and kind of just coasting. These are things that will help my future ministry, and not just the current ministry or place i am in life.

Now don't read this little blog the wrong way. Does God need me? Ha. No. He has shown this to me countless times. An example would be me putting all the effort into planing a worship service. Picking the songs, blah blah blah. Then half way through the week there is a huge speed bump. No one comes to practice. Great, now what am i gonna do. Sunday morning comes, and i finally break down before i walk onto stage 3 minutes before we go out. God says, hey idiot. This is mine. Let me have it. Thats all i needed. Cause i realized that i couldn't force these people to sing, i couldn't make them worship, I I I. Yah i can plan and practice but in the end, prayer rules the day. God is the one that makes or breaks it, not me. I am not needed. If i refuse to be used, God will pick someone else, and then i am left out of the blessings he had in store for me.

Basically i need to let God have it. All of it. Everyday.